2009
07.20
07.20
Dear Satan,
I was heading off for the #2 train this morning in something of a hurry when I was tripped by a blind transit rider who had his cane way out in front of him.
Due to my prowess and agility which has been honed after many years of stiletto wearing, I was able to catch myself before a full on fall. I did have the good sense and skill, however, to quickly pivot and give him a good shove.
Should I have been more tolerant of my fellow subway rider because of
his “disability” of should I have socked him in the eye?
~ Handy Cap Your Ass
Greetings Handy Cap Your Ass,
I have to say, I frequent all the big city subways harvesting homeless twats for firewood and I am not familiar with the number two train. Is this a euphemism for you were taking a shit this morning? And if so, what was a blind transit rider doing in your bathroom? And by “had his cane way out in front of him,” do you actually mean “sporting a hugonic erection?” I’m Satan. You don’t have to hide things from me. You must know I prefer a boner in the bathroom to a walk on the subway platform any day.
Speaking of preferring a boner – I’ve gotten about 20,000 questions about my sexuality already, and we only launched this site a couple of weeks ago. Let me just lay it on the table. A really long reinforced oak banquet type table for sixty, in my case. But you know, gay?… straight? I don’t really deal in those terms. I’m just kind of… To quote Tony the Tiger, I’m gayraight! What I mean is this. If you have a slightly lubed hole I can stuff it in, then we have a chance of being close friends. Now that I think about it, it’s almost time for my tri-hourly pleasuring. I hope it’s not that fat fuck Buster Crabbe again this time. Too much teeth with that guy. I should just remove his jaw. That would shut his stupid ass up too.
But okay, let’s pretend that you weren’t taking a shit. Why do you even mention that it’s a “blind” transit rider. Should we be more sympathetic to the handicapped than to the non-handicapped? Is there any such thing as non-handicapped. You’re all a bunch of retards one way or the other. So it really pisses me off that anyone would think a blind bastard should receive special treatment. I mean, they’ve already been spared having to look at your stupid face, and America’s Got Talent, and Abe Vigoda. What the hell? They should consider themselves damn lucky.
I’d like to see you do whatever it is that you’d you normally do. You owe the blind fuck that same treatment the very next time you see him. Cane boner or not. And you have the added bonus that he won’t see it coming. The handicapped have been fighting for equal rights and protections for the last 15 years. So kick them in the fucking balls, just like you would a sighted dickhead. Don’t make him feel handicapped. Disable the mother fucker.
Now, let’s talk about your stilettos. What size are you? Are they red? Could you step on my tail with the heel? Get back to me. You sound feisty. Much more so then the intolerable Buster Crabbe and his gelatinous white ass and oversized teeth.
You’re welcome,
~ Satan
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