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Our Occasional Feature – Satan Wants You!

Geetings,

By the time this posts, it will be old news.  But I must comment anyway.  Janine Sugawara has tried to sue the makers of Captain Crunch cereal because she felt that they misrepresented the ingredients by using the word berries in Crunch Berries.  She of course, thought that there must be actual wild berries in a food so processed that real food within twenty feet of the box withers and dies.  This is for real.  The strangest part, is that the judge threw it out.  Imagine a judge now awarding millions in pain and suffering?

Fresh Fruit Buys Every Box

This happens now and then up there.  The dumb bitch who sued McDonald’s for the serving her hot coffee.  The Wendy’s Finger in the Chili Caper.  The guy who sued the Strip Club for whiplash.  What’s the deal?  I get the whole money for nothing thing.  Really, I do.  And I applaud the quest for that dream.  But, Crunch Berries?  Once you’re known internationally for confusing a heady mix of Zinc Oxide, Thiamin Mononitrate, and BHT for something that grew on a bush, what do you have left?  How can you possibly hold your head up?  Is there no pride left anymore?  I mean, break into a church and steal the poor people money.  Mug a nun.  Do something respectful, you know?

I assume this means that Janine also eats dingle berries, Berry Manilow and berry me back in ole virginny- wait, that’s not right.  Janine can also eat my massive burning spear of a phalus as I impale her empty head with it.

I want her dead.  But I don’t want her down here.  It’s a gift with a bow tied from a mobius strip.  I hate her berry much.

Your welcome,

~ Satan