Ask Satan Anything

Dear Satan,

Is there another planet with intelligent life forms, and if so will they ever contact earth?

~Space Cadet

Greetings Space Cadet,

It’s funny.  I just got this same question from the only other planet with intelligent life and I my answer was that they’d better hope not.  You would really ruin their day.

And I have to say that I find it a little presumptuous for you to assume that you live on a planet with intelligent life forms.  If I can just direct your attention to the town hall meetings your congressmen have been subjected to lately?  I heard Barney Frank tell some idiot holding a Obama as Hitler photo talking about death panels that arguing with her would be like arguing with a dining room table.  Guess which planet Barney Frank is visiting from?  That’s a guy I could have over for dinner.  He’s kind of sexy too.  He’s got that distinct way of speaking, and I’d love to hear him say, “Oh Satan, yes!  Yes!”

But what good would it do you if a species with superior intellect were to visit?  It would just make your collective inferiority complex even worse, which almost always results in bloodshed.  To be honest, there are no Earth brochures at the Universal Travel Agency.  No one wants to come there.  You’ve made it a shitty place to be.

You’ve got George Clinton.  That’s more than you deserve so be satisfied with that for now. Stare at the stars and get your funk on.

You’re welcome,

~Satan

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